No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
