I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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