let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just forgot I was standing up.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
