can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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