i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
