right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
