Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
So here I am, sexting at work.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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