I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
