i just wanna soil my oats bro
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
