Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
