So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
