Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
My balls are so social today.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
