what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
