Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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