the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
