after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
