i jhust puked up my retainher.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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