so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Randomize
