Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
