That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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