Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
