she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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