Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
