I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
