You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
