By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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