girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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