I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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