She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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