508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
