my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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