Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
