I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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