Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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