i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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