You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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