Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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