i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
