Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
