I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
