I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I forgot how hot balto sounded
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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