The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I did not marry a roomba.
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