my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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