Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
