Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
