So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
