I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I deserve this hangover.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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