Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
