Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
