Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The beer is more important than you right now.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
