kristin has been a bad kristin
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
