I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
