my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
