I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
