My brain says no but my pants say off.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
