I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
