those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
