If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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