Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
